When I’m Not Living in Grace

I have been dealing with a rather persistent cold virus for over a month now. I don’t get sick often, but unfortunately managed to catch a particularly persistent cold that for most people is sticking around for a couple weeks.

Unlike most people, I have been taking an immunosuppressant drug for the past 3.5 years to manage the progression of rheumatoid arthritis.Decreased immune system + persistent virus = a cold that sticks around for over a month.

don't have to be a perfect pagan

Image: Perfect Peter from the Horrid Henry comic strip and books by Francesa Simon

I’ve been asked – have you seen a doctor? Yes, when I could tell that I was starting to develop a secondary bacterial infection. A course of antibiotics cleared up a building middle ear infection before it could take hold. Otherwise, all a GP would tell me is to drink plenty of fluids, get enough rest, and take cold tablets to relieve symptoms. I already am doing all of that. The cold tablets aren’t touching the congestion in my ears but at least I can breathe better.

Congestion in my ears has made it vey difficult to hear soft sounds. Buzzing and whooshing (when I can hear my heartbeat) make it difficult to hear louder sounds. Which all means that I have been spending a lot of time alone with my thoughts.

Needless to say, it is very difficult to contemplate living in a state of grace when my head is filled with buzzing and snot.

So today, this last day of March, when I realise that I have not written on this subject since the beginning of the month, I realise that it is okay to not always be filled with grace. It’s okay to miss the messages from Spirit because they are being drowned out by the echoing internal sounds of my body.

I don’t have to be a Perfect Pagan in order to be a Pagan.



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