Recently, with my 50th birthday celebration, I have been looking at who I am as an elder in life and in the Pagan community. As I’ve looked back on who I was and who I have become (or how I have more fully become me instead of trying to be someone for everyone else) I have found myself considering how I want to mark this occasion. High on my list is inviting a small group of trusted women friends into my home to help me mark the occasion. (This is a major big deal for me.)
Now, I have talked several times of how I have had Patron Deities, but have never dedicated myself to any. In recent years as Modron bowed out of my life, Brigid had moved forward into that place, but at some level inside I knew that she wasn’t supposed to be the Goddess I worked with. She was instead one that I called upon at a time when I needed that warrior mother strength. I knew that at some level She was a part of my Patron Goddess, but only a part.
As I began to plan my Elder celebration, keeping all this in mind, you will perhaps not be quite as surprised as I was when I got a message in my head telling me that before I had this celebration I needed to find a new craft name, and I needed to dedicate myself as a Priestess of the One who would give me that name. My current craft name was given to me by Modron when I received initiation as a High Priestess back in 1998.
I entered into some negotiations – would She expect me to worship Her? No. As Her priestess I will be called upon to honour Her, but never to worship. Nor would I be expected to subjagate myself in any way. After all, it has been my strength and inner power which has made me worthy of being Her priestess. Why would She want me to lose that?
I have also said many times in the past, that you always have a choice on whether or not to say yes, or no when called by a God. Here too, I have had a choice. Even now, in the midst of planning and of being told that I need to do this, I can say no at any time to taking on this role.
I have decided to accept the task of becoming a priestess of this Goddess and I have put plans for a celebration on hold and have instead been busily planning what needs to be done for this naming and dedication. I have gathered necessary supplies – who knew you could buy club moss online or ethically sourced deer antler at a pet store? – and asked a trusted friend to drum for me while I am journeying into Otherworld Space. I have pulled old tools from storage, and done a lot of studying and investigating and learning new legends about the Gods of the British Isles and the Celts.
In 4 days, I will be undertaking this journey, not of transformation, but of discovery and learning, and I will be returning more fully me.